God Stuff, People Stuff, Vet Stuff

2010-07-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

Heaven?

That'll Do Pig

2010-05-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

Welp...

Oncology is over. The final was today, and that is a good thing. I'm tired and ready to stop for a little while. I feel ok about it. I dont think I destroyed it or anything. It's more like that old guy in the movie that said, "That'll do pig. That'll do." That's about the way I feel about right now. Im good with that.

I now know that if a ferret walks up to me with bilateral symmetrical alopecia and pruritus, I can tell him he COULD have an adrenal disease. Im sure that will come in handy real soon for me.

Orthopedics is the only thing between me and summer time now. One more stinking test. Then I'm half vet. This is better than one quarter vet (which is what I've been up to this point).

Here's something. I was driving home from school today around 5ish, and this small bird was just standing in my lane. I think we can all safely say that most birds remain aware of their surroundings and flutter away when the big loud moving machines approach them. Not this one. He stood there. That lane was his. So I was faced with a decision at that point. Did I want to do the whole "dodge the entire animal in the road" maneuver, or should I try the "just keep going and hope it stays between the 2 tires" routine. I chose the swoosh between the tires routine. I'd say it was a success. The bird wasnt doing that tumbling around thing when I passed, and I didn't hear any crunching.

I have to say. That was one bold bird. Either that or he just had some zoonotic disease affecting his nervous system. I like to be a glass half full kind of guy, so Ill just go with the zoonotic disease.

We don't want those birds getting too gutsy. We need to keep those little guys in their place.

Butt-Face

2010-04-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

I took a killer cardio final today.

It was hard. Very hard. As I read through the test, I had to keep telling myself that my professor, who was sitting in the back of the room, was NOT a complete butt-face. That he was simply trying to make me a good doctor.

When I walk into an exam like this one, I always take a brief moment to notice my professors demeanor and attitude as he greets me and extends the test packet my way. I use this quick encounter as a reminder of the big picture to all this school stuff--that my knowledgeable teacher is making an effort to help me learn what they know so well in veterinary medicine.

I try hard to take those few seconds and really appreciate why the professor is there and how that professor is trying to help me. I try to picture him sitting in his home late at night rubbing his eyes, tweaking on his lectures and thinking of ways to help me grasp the material. I try to picture him putting just as much effort and concern into preparing his material and test questions as I do when I study for his exam. I try to see how he truly does care about my well-being as a future veterinarian.

And then the test packet slides into my hand. And I see that instead of a test packet, I've been handed what appears to be a small book--weighing close to...50 lbs or so. This is my first hurdle.

I try to prevent this seemingly absurdly lengthy test obscure my perception of how my professor is trying to help me in life rather than hurt me.

I take the walk down the aisle to my seat, and in that time, I've done the best I can to regain a positive outlook on the situation. I sit. Take a breath and take a quick moment to prepare myself for what I may find inside of this book--I mean test packet.

"Ok Adam. you may find some tough ones in here, but don't get worked up about it. The teacher has your best interest in mind." This is what I tell myself.

Then I have a looksy.

Ok... Mhhmm.

Ok.... I'll just come back to this one...

Maybe that one will come to me a little later.

Mhmm.

Ok. Ok.

The teacher is trying to help me. The teacher wants me to do well.

He isn't out to trick me. He isnt out to trick me.

This one is tricky, but Im sure he didn't intend for it to be.

Ok.. this one is a little stupid but ok.

This isn't good for me.

Stinkin'

Dang it!!!

Butt-Face!!

By this point, my imagination has done a little rewiring. I'm now seeing my professor in a dark room tapping his fingers together and thinking of ways to make this the most uncomfortable and nearly impossible test known to man.

I'll tell ya. This is hard. It wears me out.

For the record. I am very grateful to be at school and I really dont think of my teacher as butt-faces...most of the time anyway.

Welp--bird just crapped on my screen. Must be time to go inside.

Hm... looks like he was a little dehydrated too.

Vet school wisdom from a vet student on a study break.

2010-01-21T16:23:00.000-08:00

With Vet School...

Just give it your best effort.

Best Effort is NOT the same as:

1) Covering ALL the material that they COULD test you on.

2) Feeling confident that you looked over everything enough times (or even once).

3) Feeling confident that you understand everything you DID look at.

4) Talking to every person you know for input or notes or study guides or old tests, etc.

5) Exporing EVERY option of prep or study material and choosing the "correct" one to use.

4) Meeting your expectations.

5) Succeeding

Best Effort IS:

1) Literally doing WHAT YOU CAN (Nothing more, Nothing less) and giving yourself permission to NOT DO EVERYTHING you would prefer to do.

2) Accepting that you will NOT cover every note (or even page) you were given in class.

3) BEING OK with having looked at this, but not really that.

4) Being willing to adjust and adapt to your circumstances (whether it's one test in particular or vet school in general). You may not be able to prep the way you would prefer, but hey, what else can you do?

5) Stopping for a moment. Thinking about what you need to do. And picking 1 or 2 possible ways to get it done. And ending it with that. Make use of God's grace if you happen choose the 2 wrong ways to do it.

6) Be ready to be flexible when things come to your attention, but DONT be "tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by everywind of teaching" (Eph 4:14). - yeah, i know this wasnt used in the right context, but it sounded right so I went with it.

7) God know's youre not perfect like He is, and He doesnt want you to even try to be. He just want's you to DO WHAT YOU CAN. And leave the rest to Him.

PS: Remember, YOUR level of "SUCCESS" is not always going to be an accurate reflexion of YOUR BEST EFFORTS. In most cases, I think they are. But in the vet school setting, I would say that there is room for exceptions.

In vet school, it's ok for YOUR BEST to simply be YOUR BEST and not necessarilly your PICTURE PERFECT VERSION OF "SUCCESS". Learn to let yourself NOT BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME. Because we really aren't.

Adam facts

2010-01-20T20:39:00.000-08:00

It's funny how you never stop learning things about yourself.

Lesson 1)

Im really good about going the whole day with my fly down and not realizing it until everyone else in my day has had a chance to see it first.

Lesson 2)

I will never have a comfortable walk-through experience with a Walmart greeter.

“The Message of Jesus” – Andy Stanley (North Point Ministries)

2009-12-29T10:42:00.000-08:00

“The Message of Jesus” – Andy Stanley (North Point Ministries)

The Calling of Matthew

⁹As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

¹⁰While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. ¹¹When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ’sinners’?”

¹²On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ¹³But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

(Matthew 9:9:12 – NIV)

Melts in your mouth!

Seriously. If this is the message of Christ, are you truly living it out? Or do you call the shots when it comes to showing others the way to follow Christ?

This is the Jesus that people need to see more often--especially today!

If you're living out your faith any other way than what you saw above, you probably need to step back and reevaluate whether or not your doing anything productive with your faith these days..

Sometimes God takes your CheeChay...

2009-12-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

I noticed a little something a couple of days ago that I thought was worth mentioning.

Some of my family got together recently for Christmas. My 2ish year old niece was one of the ones there. This is only her 2nd Christmas, but she's got a good handle on what happens around this time of year--everyone she knows brings her a pwesent.

Well Olivia definitely got some presents that day. One of them was a miniature horse doll type of thing. It was just like the real thing, except for the fact that it was small (like the size of a beagle), and made of plastic... no circulatory system... or bones... or soft tissue parts. It was a doll, so... it did have really soft hair though. Anyway, this horse doll also came with its very own saddle and blanket, a saddlebag, a halter, a hair brush, and a carrot. So needless to say, this horse doll was pretty much the coolest thing made.

Olivia's equine (that's horse) awareness recently blossomed ever since she rode one of our real horses (named TJ) at the house one day. This horse has everything--circulatory system, bones, plenty of soft tissue, and nice gut sounds. So needless to say, after the wrapping paper was ripped away, Olivia immediately saw what she thought was TJ now standing in the living room waiting to be saddled up and ridden between the couches.

There was one problem though. This doll was never made for riding. In fact, soon after Olivia hopped onto the toy horse (even after we told her to hold off on that), the legs started bending in ways they were never intended to bend due to Olivia's body weight. We told her to back off the horse and not to try to ride it. This was for petting and stuff.

This was where my "lets over analyze a tiny kid's thought process" skills came into play. At this point, I noticed Olivia was dead set on riding that toy horse even though we specifically told her she couldn't do it.

And why shouldn't she be able to ride this horse? It was her gift after all. We gave it to her and said, "Hey you! Yeah, you! Little tiny kid! Here is a miniature version of that big black horse we taught you to ride several weeks ago. Ya know? The one that you sat on that day at that place with the people? With those hats and stuff?"

Can you imagine what was going through that kid's mind as we barked these new and unexpected rules at her? Maybe something like this:

My sis: Look Oli! It's TJ!!

Olivia: Shweet! It's CheeChay!! Just like da big CheeChay, except tiny size CheeChay!!

My sis: Isn't that neat Oli? Your very own little TJ!!

Olivia: Mmm...kool-aid. I ride CheeChay!!

My sis: Put his saddle on him!!

Olivia: Mine! I ride it! cheeechay shhishca bennspaddle bine!

Me: Kid, we can't understand you!

My sis: Adam, be quiet!

Me: I think she's gonna try to ride it...

At this point in time, everyone is watching Olivia because she's cute and stuff. Everyone in the room is on the edge of their seat, watching everything she's doing and is about to do with the tiny horse doll. Surely she has something nice and babyish cooked up to amuse us all.

Well, what does she do?

Olivia: CheeChay! I ride it!

Me: What is she sayin?

Dad: Up... looks like the legs on that doll are bending the wrong way.

Sis: Olivia, get off the horse!

Who is right in this whole anyway?

We gave Olivia a new toy to enjoy and play with. It was intended to be hers.

On the other hand, we can see that Olivia isn't using her new gift the right way. She ruining it, and she doesn't even see it.

So... what is the most appropriate action? If she has been informed over and over again, and she still refuses (whether she realizes it or not) to heed our warnings, we need to take it from her until she understands how to use her new gift properly--the way it was intended to be used.

Sure, we could spare her the disappointment by allowing her to do what she wants with her new doll. After all, her mind is clearly registering her current activity (riding the doll) as FUN, therefore, the gift is serving it's purpose. Why can't she continue to do with it what she feels is utilizing it in the manner in which it was intended?

The answer is common sense!! She's going to COMPLETELY RUIN it! Sure, she's having a good time now, but what kind of parent would sit back and watch their child do something that would cause them sadness in the end? The parent provides the gift for the purpose of watching their child get out it what was intended--nothing less.

What would happen is this: She would get on top of the horse and have a great time. But as I sat and watch it all unfold, I can definitely tell you that her time of fun would have lasted no more than 10 minutes. After those 10 minutes of bliss, Olivia would soon find herself sad and without. And we just sat back and watched it unfold. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the flaw in this parenting methodology.

So here's why I said all that.

If it's common sense for the parent to spare the child a long term loss rather than an short term loss, why is it so hard to wrap our minds around the idea of a loving God doing the same for us? He is the epitome of love. He loves like nothing else in creation. How much more is he going to look out for the long term happiness of His most prized creation (people)?

We don't understand why we had to lose that certain romance that we "just knew" was right for us. We don't understand why we were denied a chance to attend that one certain college we always wanted attend. We can't see the ultimate purpose in losing that certain loved one.

We can't see all these things. And when we lose them, it hurts us. But to keep our ultimate happiness intact, God takes away certain things (or maybe even throws something else into the mix). Either way, we need to understand this concept: God knows what He's doing. We need to always remember that He will always give us the ABSOLUTE BEST, even if we can't see it at that exact moment.

Romans 11

³³Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
³⁴"Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?"
³⁵"Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?"
³⁶For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Dang this was long...

Comments or critiques?

Doing the ol dance routine. Again...

2009-12-08T17:42:00.000-08:00

We (Christians) always have those stages where we feel disconnected from God at some point in time. Some may deal with it more frequently than others. I would say for me, it happens at least several times a year. Don't know what it is for others, but that's just me.

I feel the need to be honest with myself and God. After all, if you can't be honest with at least yourself and God, who can you be honest with?

I find myself in yet another spaced out trance. The typical, distracted kind. I cant put my finger on it exactly, but Im sure several things could be the cause.

Ultimately, it comes down to me and God. It seems I've lost Him yet again. I cant narrow it down to any particular time. All I know is that it happened some time between the time I had Him and the time I lost Him, now.

You rarely see it coming until it actually happens, and you find yourself sitting in your house at night writing about it.

But it's the same old thing. I can't seem find the motivation or enthusiasms to get in the Word as I should. I don't pray to God or intercede for others like I know I should. I feel like I'm in no place to intercede for others to begin with. Of course, no one else around me notices that. They see the show I put on... but I don't think I would call it a show actually. It's more like an unenthused dance routine. I do what I do because it's what is expected of me (by those who are supposed to keep me accountable and everyone else). I act how I act and say what I say, because I'm supposed to-- I know this.

And Im not saying that what I do and say around people is false or deceptive. It's just that my reasons for my "doing" and "saying" are all wrong (whether anyone else can see that or not). The right motivation isn't there.

So if the right motivation is absent, then the wrong motivation must be present. What IS that motivation then? For now, I'd have to say the motive is guilt. That's the one word that stays in my mind. And guilt is, I'm pretty sure, my specific kryptonite. For others, the motivation may come from some other weakness. Mine, guilt. Self-condemnation.

My guilt can be what drives me to perform (as in doing things). To go to the Sunday service, to get the job done, to finally sit and pray for this person, and the list goes on. Most of the my service is spurred by my guilt for not doing what I know I should've done all along.

There's two Adams here. Adam in the flesh and Adam in Christ. They are complete opposites and have completely opposite interests. In grace, Christ called us away from the flesh, so that we would come back to Him (Our first love). And I feel guilt when I ignore that call.

Im guilty for ignoring who I truly am in Christ.

I've been save by grace, and with that grace comes a responsibility. An accountability to God, myself, and others. And I feel guilt for having clung to that grace while I selfishly ignore the role God intended for me to have as a recipient of His grace.

Instead, Im self serving, especially when no one else is around to see it. I don't do what I know I should do, and I do what I know I shouldn't do. Boy, is that a familiar statement?

So when Im approached by those who expect me to be ready and prepped to show the fruit of my spiritual labors, I cringe and desperately scrape from the bottom of the spiritual bucket with hopes (selfish hopes) that it will be enough to get me by.

What's insane is that my bucket could EASILY be replenished and overflowing with the fruit that God is aching for us all to accept. But for our own selfish reasons, we decide not to walk over and take His offer. 100% free, no catch, no gimmicks. Free offer.

I choose nothing when I could have everything and more. I could be overflowing, but I choose to scrape by, time and again. It doesn't make sense. Why do I do it? Why do we all do it?

What's really crazy is that when I finally own up to my "emptiness", whether in shame/embarrassment/ guilt/whatever, I hesitate to face God (knowing He has all I could ever need. Right there in front of my face). The same ignorant reasoning that left me baron is keeping me from going back to the source that saves me and replenishes me.

Even as I write this, I still cringe at the thought of taking those first few steps back in His direction-- the right direction. The direction that completely satisfies. The direction that sets everything right.

And, again, it's for selfish reasons: "How hard will it be to turn this ship around?", "What is this whole thing going to require from me?", "How long will this take?", "What if it's harder than what I want it to be?"

There it is!!

Jesus' "mission statement"

Luke 4

¹⁷And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. And He opened the book and found the place where it was written,
¹⁸"THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS UPON ME,
BECAUSE HE ANOINTED ME TO PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE POOR.
HE HAS SENT ME TO PROCLAIM RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES,
AND RECOVERY OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND,
TO SET FREE THOSE WHO ARE OPPRESSED,
¹⁹TO PROCLAIM THE FAVORABLE YEAR OF THE LORD."

²⁰And He closed the book, gave it back to the attendant and sat down; and the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him. ²¹And He began to say to them, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing."

Poor aim and how it leads to sedated Indians... Yeah, now I got you're attention.

2009-11-10T15:31:00.000-08:00

"I have to learn that the aim in life is God's, not mine. God is using me from His great personal standpoint, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him..."

-Oswald Chambers

How aware am I of what's really taking place in my life? Am I living in tune with the way God intended, or am I missing the big picture? Am I fooling myself into thinking that what I offer is enough?

I know I do alot (feels like alot... vet school) and people may tell me that I am doing great and to keep it up (which I need to hear), but the approval of those around me has no merit when I set it next to the approval of God. It just doesn't. Not next to God. And thats what it all comes down to. If my life isn't in tune with the life God has called me to, then I'm not in tune at all.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, dude. You're doing fine."

Sure, I try to do good stuff, but my aim should be to do God stuff. My aim should be to follow God's aim.

Why? Because my aim sucks. I have no aim. I have intentions.. good one's. Unfortunately my intentions don't make up for my terrible aim.

Example. Say I'm hanging out at a parade in, oh... India and an elephant decides to get a little crazy because of the "musth", I can try to dart (b/c we all love the elephants) that stupid thing a hundred times and do no good if my aim sucks. Even worse, I can really cause some damage by not leaving the job to someone more experienced in darting the musth elephants.

I can shoot darts left and right and behind my back and between my legs, but if that musth elephant is still stomping all over some peanut stand, then regardless of what I am trying to do, my aim is off. And its very likely that all Ive done is sedate a bunch of old Indian ladies and kids holding candy apples (you know, with all that between the legs shooting and stuff..) and that doesn't really sweeten the deal for anybody.

I would be wrong to rely on my good intentions to validate that I am doing exactly what God wants of me. That's what I am getting at.

Everyday is an opportunity to walk with God.

Going to Church or talking about Him or listening to music about Him is needed, but am I even tapping the surface of the life and purpose that God has for Adam Handy?

What am I letting into my life... what am I not doing... where am I stopping... how am I reacting... how is my thinking creating that wall that separates me from truly walking in the footsteps of Christ.

And this is something we are ALL called to do. Again, we simply are choosing to stop with a church service or with the approval of others.

Time to do some searching...

PS I'm running on little sleep, and my brain is warped from tests these past few weeks. Pardon any stuff that flat out makes no sense.

Church vs Clinical Pathology. Who would win?

2009-11-01T18:27:00.000-08:00

Im in the middle of a painfully slow study session, but this popped in my head, so Im going to put this down real quick.

Just to give you a brief background (if you want to call it that). This morning, I got up and responsibly made my way to study at a coffee shop down the road from the house before I going heading for church. It's been like pulling teeth to get focused for this stuff all weekend, and I had made NO progress so far. NONE!

So on my way to the shop I thought, "Ooo. Today is Sunday, which means tomorrow will be Monday... I need to get some work done!"

So then I thought that I'll just skip church altogether and do some work. Nothing wrong with that, right? But I found myself continuously trying to justify to myself (and God) why I was going to play hooky today.

Then it turned into a battle of "why should I/ why shouldn't I" type of thing.

"I have been feeling a little spiritually "dry" lately, maybe I need to go."

"God knows you would go if you could. Its ok. Dont go."

"But is this one of those battles of the flesh moments? Maybe I should go."

"But it's not like church is right down the road either. I can save a lot of time if I stay here and study."

"Well, I don't want to feel guilty for NOT going."

"God isn't going to punish me for NOT going."

"But then again, Im fairly certain that church is the kind of thing God likes."

"Don't make this a legalistic issue, Adam. It's ok not to go."

"Well, maybe it will clear my head to go, and God will bless my going to church?"

And on and on and on....

Ready for the climactic end result of my inner banter? I went.

BUT MY POINT IS NOT ABOUT WHETHER YOU SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T GO TO CHURCH WHEN YOU ARE BUSY. Don't lose me on this.

Here is the point.

Ok. Here I am now. Church was good. Glad I went, and stuff. But now I am back here studying (or at least trying), and it still sucks just as much as it has all weekend.

NOW. Here is the question that came to mind a minute ago:

If I could have seen into the future and known that this studying rut was still going to be here right now, at exactly... 9:05pm, would I still have made the effort to stop my work, pack up my stuff and made the trip to church in the first place?

It's a question of motivation.

What was my motivation for going? What it truly out of love of Christ? Was it because I was hoping that it would make my life easier?

Just so you know, Im way too tired to try to come up with the answer, but I did think that this was an important thing to be aware. I still have a butt load of clin path and virology to cover for these tests, so Im going to throw that out there just in case it'll make a splash somewhere.

Comment, Dont Comment, Scratch your nose... whatever.