Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Im in the middle of a painfully slow study session, but this popped in my head, so Im going to put this down real quick.
Just to give you a brief background (if you want to call it that). This morning, I got up and responsibly made my way to study at a coffee shop down the road from the house before I going heading for church. It's been like pulling teeth to get focused for this stuff all weekend, and I had made NO progress so far. NONE!
So on my way to the shop I thought, "Ooo. Today is Sunday, which means tomorrow will be Monday... I need to get some work done!"
So then I thought that I'll just skip church altogether and do some work. Nothing wrong with that, right? But I found myself continuously trying to justify to myself (and God) why I was going to play hooky today.
Then it turned into a battle of "why should I/ why shouldn't I" type of thing.
"I have been feeling a little spiritually "dry" lately, maybe I need to go."
"God knows you would go if you could. Its ok. Dont go."
"But is this one of those battles of the flesh moments? Maybe I should go."
"But it's not like church is right down the road either. I can save a lot of time if I stay here and study."
"Well, I don't want to feel guilty for NOT going."
"God isn't going to punish me for NOT going."
"But then again, Im fairly certain that church is the kind of thing God likes."
"Don't make this a legalistic issue, Adam. It's ok not to go."
"Well, maybe it will clear my head to go, and God will bless my going to church?"
And on and on and on....
Ready for the climactic end result of my inner banter? I went.
BUT MY POINT IS NOT ABOUT WHETHER YOU SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T GO TO CHURCH WHEN YOU ARE BUSY. Don't lose me on this.
Here is the point.
Ok. Here I am now. Church was good. Glad I went, and stuff. But now I am back here studying (or at least trying), and it still sucks just as much as it has all weekend.
NOW. Here is the question that came to mind a minute ago:
If I could have seen into the future and known that this studying rut was still going to be here right now, at exactly... 9:05pm, would I still have made the effort to stop my work, pack up my stuff and made the trip to church in the first place?
It's a question of motivation.
What was my motivation for going? What it truly out of love of Christ? Was it because I was hoping that it would make my life easier?
Just so you know, Im way too tired to try to come up with the answer, but I did think that this was an important thing to be aware. I still have a butt load of clin path and virology to cover for these tests, so Im going to throw that out there just in case it'll make a splash somewhere.
Comment, Dont Comment, Scratch your nose... whatever.